discovering great fashion that fits your lifestyle

Hello all my beauty queens and kings ;)

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am turning 41, so I kind of thought it might be a great time to talk about age appropriate style and fashion.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for wearing what you want and what you love and I don't necessarily think anyone should be allowed to tell you what you can and cannot wear, but if you are conscientious about this type of thing, then by all means, read on.

As I am coming to terms with my own personal style aesthetic these days, I also realize that although there are certain styles of clothing that I admire and that I would have definitely wanted to wear 15-20 years ago had I been able to find them in my size, I would feel kind of ridiculous in them now that they are actually available to me. In my teens and 20's I was definitely into a more gothy/punk rock/alternative style. I am definitely still a fan of the type of self expression this style allows, but at my current age and lifestyle, there is also a more subtle way to sort of nod toward my alternative past, still allowing me to be edgy and artsy and self-expressive without going over the top.

Obviously being 165 lbs smaller also provides me with more options, and I can't say for sure that if I grew up as an average sized teen/20-something girl, I'd have had the same style aesthetic but I like to believe that my artsy personality kind of drew me in that direction and I felt a kinship with the kind of people that fit into that style genre...let's put it this way; clothing can be a wonderful way to advertise yourself to others and can help you find people with like-minded interests before you ever get a chance to speak.

Wearing lots of black, spikes, studs and mesh is obviously going to attract a certain type of attention. I think as a teenager I needed something to help me feel like I had some control over what people saw when they looked at me instead of just a sad fat girl. I embraced this alternative style because I was a shy kid and I knew it was the boldest way for me to express my personality to others that I might want to get to know...and to act as a sort of armor to help protect me from those that might take me as weak and vulnerable and easy to manipulate or bully.

I am an artist afterall, and I am a Pagan, which both tend toward a sort of edgy style in their respective societal communities and I tend to gravitate in that direction often when it comes to my clothing...but these days I don't have the same fears or the same need for armor and I enjoy expressing my femininity and my softer side a bit more...this isn't just due to my weight loss, but also comes with age and my lifestyle progression. I am a mother, a wife, and a working woman. I need clothing that not only helps me to express my personality, but also that fits with my lifestyle.
I am not spending every weekend doing Karaoke or watching live music in a bar anymore.
I work full time, and the rest of the time I am taking care of my 4 year old daughter, maintaining my house and trying to find ways to express myself creatively as an artist.

I seem to have settled on a personal style aesthetic of "rocker librarian"...which sounds kind of weird but it works for me. I can be nerdy, girly, pretty, chic, edgy and artistic all in one. Some days I am more nerd than rocker, and some days I am more artsy than librarian, but all in all, I think I have found a little niche for myself in the fashion world that works with my personal aesthetic as well as my lifestyle. It also keeps me interesting and challenges my creativity, finding things that don't always match but when they go together, something changes them in a magical way. I feel like it is truly another art form.

I love pairing a floral dress with some black booties, or a leather jacket. I love putting a studded belt or metallic print scarf with pastels or ruffles or lace. I have a ton of fun glasses that can completely change the mood of an outfit and jewelry or shoes that can turn something plain into something extravagant. I can wear bold eyeliner or lipstick to create drama also...so many ways to play with style without having to go all black with straps and studs to show the world who I am.

I think it's definitely important to play around with things you are automatically drawn to...there are things in my wardrobe that I really love the way they feel and look on my body but don't necessarily seem like they fit my personal aesthetic...these are things I play with in terms of accessorizing and styling with more bold pieces in order to make them fit my personality.

Example: today I am wearing a floral maxi skirt that I love the fit of, but finding a top to wear with it was a challenge for me because I am not necessarily one to dress for modesty and the skirt itself seems very "church missionary"...so I ended up pairing it with a super bright bold red top with a low cut neckline to balance out the modesty of the skirt and accessorized with some "witchy" jewelry... It's not so over the top that it looks weird, but it gives me that balance that I feel like I needed in order to feel like myself and be comfortable and confident.

I believe in always wearing clothes that make you feel good.
I was watching some youtube videos by Christie Ressel, a personal stylist I follow on social media and she always has a lot of great tips...one of which was to be choosy when you're shopping.
Shop intentionally, whether you're looking for a specific piece (ie: a pair of jeans or a red top) or whether you're just thrifting for great finds...think about things you like about your own body and want to showcase, or other clothing pieces you might already have that you really like...what is it you like about them? the color? the cut? the style? the way the neckline frames your collarbones? the way the waistline hits you? the fit of the leg? length of the sleeve?
This way when you're shopping you know to look for similar cuts or styles without being stuck wearing the same thing all the time but also not ending up with pieces you don't really like.

When you get dressed in the morning, your clothes should help you look in the mirror and feel good about what you see. If you see something in the store that draws your eye but you try it on and it looks terrible on your body, break down what it is that drew you to the piece in the first place (color, print, cut, etc) and try looking for something else with similar qualities that might suit your shape. We tend to get discouraged very easily in the dressing room when something just doesn't fit right, blaming our bodies for being too round or too lumpy or too (insert other self-loathing words here) instead of blaming the clothing for not being right for us.
Some people's bodies are harder to fit because they have a less common shape but I guarantee there are clothes out there that will fit and flatter ANY shape. Sometimes it's just more work and takes more patience...don't give up!

Look for things you love in colors and styles you love and find the pieces that LOOK GOOD on you. be selective, hold out for the perfect shape, the perfect color, the perfect fabric, the perfect FIT- or be ready to spend a little extra to get them tailored to your body if it's something you can't live without but just seems a bit off.
There are perfect clothing options out there for every budget as well...you do not need to spend a ton of money to find clothing pieces that flatter your body and make you feel like a million bucks.
The fit is always #1 but if it's not your style you'll still feel out of place when you're wearing it, so make a mental note of what types of pieces speak to you and what makes you feel most like yourself and also will fit into your lifestyle.
A stay at home mom hardly has need of a bunch of power suits and pencil skirts (maybe just one or 2 for special occasions) and a high power CEO is probably not going to wear a ton of jeans and tee shirts (maybe a handful of them for the weekends)...but there is a way to be comfortable AND stylish, regardless of what your life demands (there are plenty of comfortable fabrics out there in more stylish options besides just leggings sweat pants).

I feel like being mindful of the accessories and pieces I put together now allows me to be the 41 year old working mother I am without looking like a stereotypical middle aged mom, but wearing Juniors clothing and styling myself too young could go the opposite way, just making me look like an old woman trying too hard to grasp her lost youth. I like being somewhere in between and I feel like keeping up with trends and throwing in my little edgy pieces here and there will keep me youthful and feeling like me while still being appropriate for my age and lifestyle.

Dressing for your NOW body

Hey guys, long time no see!

Sorry I've been neglecting my blogs...I've been battling a cold-turned nasty sinus infection for WEEKS and I feel like I am just starting to feel better after a course of antibiotics. I was not really motivated to do much besides watching Netflix and sleeping haha.

I hope you all had a chance to check out this YouTube video post about my shopping trip with my friend Diane. She was my first real "fashion consult" and I think it went pretty well for my first shot!

I think next time I will try to film a bit more, probably during the shopping process and maybe while trying things on in the dressing room to talk more about what works and what doesn't and why...I was focused on the actual shopping at hand and kind of neglected the documentation process, but Diane was happy with what we found, and I made her try on a lot of things outside her normal realm.  Stepping out of her comfort zone opened up a lot of new options she never would've considered before. It was really fun for me and she seemed to absorb all of my tips like a sponge, so I could not have asked for a better guinea pig! I am hoping we can get together to do it again in the not too distant future.

I have had a few other interested parties reach out to me since then and hopefully I'll have more video content to share toward the end of June and early July! I am always looking for more volunteers so please don't hesitate to contact me if you want some guidance!

So, I want to address a few of the things that Diane and I talked about when we were considering her style and options, because I think a lot of it is pretty universal when it comes to women's fashion and making choices in what to wear.

First off, everyone has some kind of body image issue...there are very few people on earth that are truly 100% satisfied with the body they have at any given moment. We have all been there, especially looking back at photos of ourselves from a time in our life that we thought we were fat or out of shape, and now, even worse off, wishing we could be there again and swearing to ourselves we would never complain again if we could just have "that body" back again.
I think the key here is to start focusing on things that you don't dislike, things that you actually do like, and try to embrace the fact that your body is what it is right now...you can daydream all you want about what you used to have or what you could have again someday, but what about the now? living in the past or the future is just wasting all the precious time you have. You may constantly be comparing yourself to the self you used to be or the self you want to become, but in the meantime, try your best to appreciate the person you are now. 

Stop trying on those "skinny" clothes in your closet that haven't fit since high school and getting depressed that they won't zip--why are you even keeping them? You're a grown woman (or man), have responsibilities, stress, maybe medical problems, slower metabolism, medications that cause weight gain, maybe you've had a kid or 5, gone through menopause, hormonal imbalances, emotional abuse, physical abuse, or maybe you just love cupcakes and hate running...
Maybe you actually DO like your body--or better than you once did, but still don't have all the confidence you thought you would...maybe you work out like a maniac, eat healthy, are a size 2 but still feel like your hips are too wide or your boobs are too small...
Whatever the reason, your body isn't what you want it to be...but it's what you have. You just need to find a way to embrace it and learn to adorn it in ways that make you feel good.

*TRY THINGS ON. This is the only way you are ever going to find things that you like and/or that flatter your figure or disguise your insecurities. This is so important. I think (especially women) we look at clothes in a store or a photograph of someone else wearing them and automatically judge them. whether you think "that's so ugly" or "that's really cute" or "I like that but it won't look good on me", etc.
My best advice to anyone looking to expand their fashion horizons is to look for things in a store that you normally would not try on...and try them! You will always surprise yourself....even if you think the color is terrible or the print isn't your style...or you're convinced that you can't wear fitted pants or billowy sleeves...just try it. Your body is also likely different than it used to be 10 years ago, so the things you thought you loved aren't making you feel good anymore...you need to try something different! You may still hate it but even if you like one out of 10 things, that's one more that you didn't have before.
this brings me to the next part...
*GET AN OUTSIDE OPINION. You already have a preconceived notion about what your body looks like, which is probably a bit dysmorphic anyway, so instead of going into a dressing room alone and feeling discouraged because your thighs look too big in those shorts, bring a friend or significant other...if you don't have anyone to go with you, take pictures and send them to friends you trust or send them to ME haha. I guarantee you they will see something you're not seeing...you hate your thighs so that's all you see, but that adorable romper flatters your waistline, makes your boobs look fantastic and your butt is amazing in it. Nobody's even looking at your thighs!
*THINK OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. This one is hard to do. Especially if you already have a style that you know works on you...but you're tired of the same thing all the time. This was the case with Diane I think...she had tons of really great clothes in her closet but they were all very similar in shape and style. She knows she loves pencil skirts and sheath dresses...so she has like 20 of them. I put her in some jumpsuits, some flowy maxi dresses, some A-line styles...colors and patterns she never would think to wear or pair togeher...she had nothing like them in her repertoire and she ended up really loving a lot of them.

I can go on to talk about styles to look for for each "body type" but that's all a bunch of jibberish unless you're actually applying it to an individual.
To be honest, I don't even know where my own "body type" falls in the list of weirdly assigned categories...am I apple? rectangle? inverted triangle? I have no clue. I used to think I was apple shaped because my midsection was so much larger than the rest of me...but I am not that shape now...I don't really have hips or boobs but I don't think I am a rectangle exactly either.
The point is, shopping for clothing based on an assigned "body type" is not always helpful unless your particular body actually looks just like the diagram. Even then, if you hate the styles suggested for your figure, you're never going to feel confident.




The important thing to remember here, is that there are different body types and that not every style of clothing is going to look good on every figure. If you have insecurities about your wide hips, but your waist is thin or you have an impressive bust, look for clothes that accentuate the waist and cleavage...minimizing the hips comes later, because when you draw attention to the areas that you want to accentuate, it automatically places less emphasis on the other parts. You can achieve this in lots of ways- the fit of the clothing, the shape, the length, the color, the cut, patterns, textures, etc. Sometimes it's all about trial and error, especially if you don't really know what you're looking for...and yes, it can be frustrating but it takes patience...or a good stylist/consultant (hint hint) can help take some of the guess work out for you.
Honestly though, even I have no idea if something is going to look good on me when I pull it off a hanger. I usually just admire something about the piece and have a desire to find out if it's going to work for me. If it looks bad when I try it on, I let it go and find something else that looks better. If I absolutely love something and it fits but it's not the most flattering, sometimes I wear it anyway just because it makes me happy and screw anyone who wants to judge me.

I love clothes, I love helping people feel good about themselves, and this is definitely a passion of mine. I hope I can continue to hone my own fashion consulting skills and keep learning as I go, and hopefully share some of my knowledge with willing students along the way. Just remember, this is the body you have today. It may be different in 6 months, it may be different than it was last year, but stop reminiscing and daydreaming about when your body was/will be different and find a way to dress for your now that makes you feel good.