Tomorrow is my birthday and I am turning 41, so I kind of thought it might be a great time to talk about age appropriate style and fashion.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for wearing what you want and what you love and I don't necessarily think anyone should be allowed to tell you what you can and cannot wear, but if you are conscientious about this type of thing, then by all means, read on.
As I am coming to terms with my own personal style aesthetic these days, I also realize that although there are certain styles of clothing that I admire and that I would have definitely wanted to wear 15-20 years ago had I been able to find them in my size, I would feel kind of ridiculous in them now that they are actually available to me. In my teens and 20's I was definitely into a more gothy/punk rock/alternative style. I am definitely still a fan of the type of self expression this style allows, but at my current age and lifestyle, there is also a more subtle way to sort of nod toward my alternative past, still allowing me to be edgy and artsy and self-expressive without going over the top.
Obviously being 165 lbs smaller also provides me with more options, and I can't say for sure that if I grew up as an average sized teen/20-something girl, I'd have had the same style aesthetic but I like to believe that my artsy personality kind of drew me in that direction and I felt a kinship with the kind of people that fit into that style genre...let's put it this way; clothing can be a wonderful way to advertise yourself to others and can help you find people with like-minded interests before you ever get a chance to speak.
Wearing lots of black, spikes, studs and mesh is obviously going to attract a certain type of attention. I think as a teenager I needed something to help me feel like I had some control over what people saw when they looked at me instead of just a sad fat girl. I embraced this alternative style because I was a shy kid and I knew it was the boldest way for me to express my personality to others that I might want to get to know...and to act as a sort of armor to help protect me from those that might take me as weak and vulnerable and easy to manipulate or bully.
I am an artist afterall, and I am a Pagan, which both tend toward a sort of edgy style in their respective societal communities and I tend to gravitate in that direction often when it comes to my clothing...but these days I don't have the same fears or the same need for armor and I enjoy expressing my femininity and my softer side a bit more...this isn't just due to my weight loss, but also comes with age and my lifestyle progression. I am a mother, a wife, and a working woman. I need clothing that not only helps me to express my personality, but also that fits with my lifestyle.
I am not spending every weekend doing Karaoke or watching live music in a bar anymore.
I work full time, and the rest of the time I am taking care of my 4 year old daughter, maintaining my house and trying to find ways to express myself creatively as an artist.
I seem to have settled on a personal style aesthetic of "rocker librarian"...which sounds kind of weird but it works for me. I can be nerdy, girly, pretty, chic, edgy and artistic all in one. Some days I am more nerd than rocker, and some days I am more artsy than librarian, but all in all, I think I have found a little niche for myself in the fashion world that works with my personal aesthetic as well as my lifestyle. It also keeps me interesting and challenges my creativity, finding things that don't always match but when they go together, something changes them in a magical way. I feel like it is truly another art form.
I love pairing a floral dress with some black booties, or a leather jacket. I love putting a studded belt or metallic print scarf with pastels or ruffles or lace. I have a ton of fun glasses that can completely change the mood of an outfit and jewelry or shoes that can turn something plain into something extravagant. I can wear bold eyeliner or lipstick to create drama also...so many ways to play with style without having to go all black with straps and studs to show the world who I am.
I think it's definitely important to play around with things you are automatically drawn to...there are things in my wardrobe that I really love the way they feel and look on my body but don't necessarily seem like they fit my personal aesthetic...these are things I play with in terms of accessorizing and styling with more bold pieces in order to make them fit my personality.
Example: today I am wearing a floral maxi skirt that I love the fit of, but finding a top to wear with it was a challenge for me because I am not necessarily one to dress for modesty and the skirt itself seems very "church missionary"...so I ended up pairing it with a super bright bold red top with a low cut neckline to balance out the modesty of the skirt and accessorized with some "witchy" jewelry... It's not so over the top that it looks weird, but it gives me that balance that I feel like I needed in order to feel like myself and be comfortable and confident.
I believe in always wearing clothes that make you feel good.
I was watching some youtube videos by Christie Ressel, a personal stylist I follow on social media and she always has a lot of great tips...one of which was to be choosy when you're shopping.
Shop intentionally, whether you're looking for a specific piece (ie: a pair of jeans or a red top) or whether you're just thrifting for great finds...think about things you like about your own body and want to showcase, or other clothing pieces you might already have that you really like...what is it you like about them? the color? the cut? the style? the way the neckline frames your collarbones? the way the waistline hits you? the fit of the leg? length of the sleeve?
This way when you're shopping you know to look for similar cuts or styles without being stuck wearing the same thing all the time but also not ending up with pieces you don't really like.
When you get dressed in the morning, your clothes should help you look in the mirror and feel good about what you see. If you see something in the store that draws your eye but you try it on and it looks terrible on your body, break down what it is that drew you to the piece in the first place (color, print, cut, etc) and try looking for something else with similar qualities that might suit your shape. We tend to get discouraged very easily in the dressing room when something just doesn't fit right, blaming our bodies for being too round or too lumpy or too (insert other self-loathing words here) instead of blaming the clothing for not being right for us.
Some people's bodies are harder to fit because they have a less common shape but I guarantee there are clothes out there that will fit and flatter ANY shape. Sometimes it's just more work and takes more patience...don't give up!
Look for things you love in colors and styles you love and find the pieces that LOOK GOOD on you. be selective, hold out for the perfect shape, the perfect color, the perfect fabric, the perfect FIT- or be ready to spend a little extra to get them tailored to your body if it's something you can't live without but just seems a bit off.
There are perfect clothing options out there for every budget as well...you do not need to spend a ton of money to find clothing pieces that flatter your body and make you feel like a million bucks.
The fit is always #1 but if it's not your style you'll still feel out of place when you're wearing it, so make a mental note of what types of pieces speak to you and what makes you feel most like yourself and also will fit into your lifestyle.
A stay at home mom hardly has need of a bunch of power suits and pencil skirts (maybe just one or 2 for special occasions) and a high power CEO is probably not going to wear a ton of jeans and tee shirts (maybe a handful of them for the weekends)...but there is a way to be comfortable AND stylish, regardless of what your life demands (there are plenty of comfortable fabrics out there in more stylish options besides just leggings sweat pants).
I feel like being mindful of the accessories and pieces I put together now allows me to be the 41 year old working mother I am without looking like a stereotypical middle aged mom, but wearing Juniors clothing and styling myself too young could go the opposite way, just making me look like an old woman trying too hard to grasp her lost youth. I like being somewhere in between and I feel like keeping up with trends and throwing in my little edgy pieces here and there will keep me youthful and feeling like me while still being appropriate for my age and lifestyle.
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