Maintaining balance when career and passion clash

Well hello there friends...I know it's been a long time with no word from me...

First of all, it's Winter and despite there still being the same exact 24 hours available every day, due to the lack of daylight hours I always feel like I am rushing with no time to finish anything.
This, along with the fact that I was promoted about 3 months ago to a relatively demanding managerial position at my job, basically has made it impossible for me to find much time to do anything outside of being stressed out and then doing my best to try to wind down after the stressful scenarios are over.
Hence, my lengthy blog hiatus.

My job is finally starting to stabilize and I am feeling more comfortable and confident in my new title and responsibilities each day. I work in health care/insurance and authorizations which is really the polar opposite of being a freelance artist or personal stylist/fashion consultant, which, if you know me or have been following this blog for any amount of time, you may know is really where my heart lies.

The career of my dreams is not necessarily completely out of reach, but for the time being it is not really feasible for me to persue, and so here I remain, doing my best to maintain a balance between a utilitarian career that pays the bills and a dream to make a living from something I truly love.
It's the dream, right? I heard it all the time growing up--"choose a career doing something you love," but I think that those lucky enough to have found this type of career that also pays the bills are a rarity.

I've always known that I loved art and fashion...At age 9, I declared I was going to be a fashion designer.
I never actually learned to sew clothing, but by the time I was in high school, I had entire sketchbooks book full of fashion drawings and clothing designs dreamed up. I had no idea what it took to become a fashion designer- I had no references, nobody I knew had ever done it or anything like it. My grandmother that I saw maybe once every few years was a "seamstress" which I never associated with fashion designing, and we were never close enough for me to even feel comfortable with approaching her to ask questions.

When it was time for me to choose a college education, I stuck to my guns...I wanted to be a fashion designer...I thought that since I couldn't sew, I could just be a fashion Illustrator and there would be other people who could look at my drawings and make the clothes...Looking back at this time in my life and these decisions, I realize that I was a little delusional thinking this was a valid career path. Not that it can't be done or hasn't been done before, but it's not exactly something you can just apply for a job in.
So, I pursued Illustration as a major because I loved to draw and Art was always my passion.
As I attended my first semester at an elite art school, I began to realize that although I loved art and illustration, and I was very good at it, this was not  really the career I envisioned for myself and everything kind of fell apart. I think I spent so long being so sure of what I wanted to BE, I never really considered how I could become that...or what it would take for me to get there...I had not thought through the steps or developed any backup plans....so I left art school, deciding that I needed to come up with something that I could do realistically with my skills.

I decided on Art education.
Why? because I loved art classes. I loved making art, watching other people make art, using artistic materials, and it was something I was good at. I loved my Art teachers and always felt comfortable and accepted in that environment and around those like-minded individuals.
I went to community college, got my associates in Art, and then on to finish my education at UIUC...I completed my Student teaching and left with a Bachelors in Art Education.

Obviously I am not an art teacher right now.

Some days I feel like I regret not going into that field after college graduation...but most days I remind myself how much I hated the school politics and all of the stupid trivial crap about the education system that basically turned me sour.  I loved teaching. I was good at it, but I was not ready to commit to a career that would turn something I loved into something I would come to hate.

Back to the drawing board and back home for me.
I was lost. I was immature. I was not thinking about my future or my career. I was living in the moment, being young and needed a job.

Roughly 20 years later, here I am, working in a field farthest from what I ever would have imagined, doing a job that I am good at but requires absolutely none of my artistic talent or passion.
My sister always told me she was envious that I always knew what I wanted to do...but I feel like it gave me tunnel vision.
There are probably 50 other careers I could have gone into that I would have enjoyed, but I never felt confident enough in anything other than art, and I didn't feel confident enough in myself in general, to pursue a freelance career that could sustain a stable income.

So here I am, 41 years old, married with a 5 year old, a dog, a cat and a mortgage, with this newfound self confidence, wondering how I can make this strange career I fell into, make me feel like I am not wasting my life.

Fashion.

It's my north star.

My passion.

Such a strange thing to realize.
I've never been particularly superficial or cared at all about labels or brands...never really cared much about trends or being stylish, but I have ALWAYS longed to be able to wear interesting clothing. It's a way to show the world who you are without even opening your mouth.
I've always been drawn to outside the box style. I love makeovers and watching people transform just by changing their clothes or hair or makeup. I am obsessed with the idea of watching people gain confidence they never knew they had by finding an outfit that flatters them and makes them feel more attractive. It really works. It's not superficial or stupid or meaningless...it's a body to mind transformation and it is real!

Losing the weight that held me back for most of my life has truly made me consider so many parts of my life that I wish I would or could have done differently...The weight was not really the issue, but the confidence it stole from me created a barrier between my reality and what I thought I was capable of.
This is one thing I have been reflecting on a lot recently. Maybe it's the stress of my job, or my newfound confidence that I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for, but it's always been there in the back of my mind, waiting for me to find "what I want to be when I grow up."

I still don't really know how to make a living at it, but I have recently discovered an online course created by a successful personal stylist that I would love to enroll in. I'ts not exactly going to get me college credit or certification of any kind, but it is a start. I could learn basics of what it takes to get into the business or make it into something I could do for an actual living...
I just might need to stop buying clothes to afford it though.

I don't have the time or money to actually go back to school. I still don't know if I could even find a school that offers the kind of education I am seeking, but I do have an ambition, however far fetched it might be, and that is something I have not had in a very very long time.
I will keep waking up every day and spending an hour or two a week playing with my wardrobe because it invigorates me. It keeps me feeling alive, it makes me feel like myself, and even though I'm not reveling in a lucrative fashion career, I am being as true to myself as I can be while trying to maintain balance, and that is how I stay sane.

I'm not obsessed with fashion because I want to impress people or look attractive.
I am obsessed with fashion because it brings me all the joy. Judge me. :D

second guessing style choices

Today I am feeling a bit fancy and I realized that I kind of wanted to talk about it...

Sometimes when I am deciding what I want to wear for the day I second guess certain pieces or combinations because I start to think about how I am portraying myself in the setting I am dressing for. My most regular example is getting ready for work--Obviously I work in a business casual office environment. It is relatively laid back, leaning more toward casual than business, but I have the opportunity to wear almost anything I like as long as I present myself in a professional manner. Shorts/sleeveless and open toe'd shoes as well as anything too provocative or revealing or anything too casual (jeans, ripped clothing, etc) are really the major things that are off the table for me on a daily basis.

This leaves me lots of opportunity for a wide range of outfit choices. I often tend toward being slightly"overdressed" compared to my co-workers, but I am a firm believer in dressing for the job you want V.S. the job you have.
I wear lots of skirts/dresses, cropped pants, leggings, dress pants, skinny pants, jumpsuits, etc. Sometimes I wear blazers, cardigans, shrugs and dusters, I like to wear heels but sometimes prefer flats or boots...I really don't have much in the way of fashion obstacles when I have so many options, but I do realize that I tend to second guess myself on some of my more self conscious feeling days because I do tend to dress a little nicer/fancier than most of the people I work with regularly.

Even more difficult for me these days, strangely enough, is trying to figure out what I should wear when the scene is casual...for example, if I am going to be meeting other parents in a child-centric sort of environment, like a school function or even taking my daughter to the park where other parents will be. This, actually, is so much more daunting for me than getting dressed for work because I tend toward being overdressed most of the time so when I know I am going to be in a much more casual environment I feel the need to edit myself so I don't ostracize myself from the other moms in their leggings and joggers just making sure their kids are taken care of...but this also makes me a little mad. The Mom judging. I could write a whole blog post just about that though...for now, let's just say I have figured out ways to dress casually and comfortably that also express my artistic side and that is a perfect compromise.

I believe most people are hesitant to try new things with fashion because they're afraid of the attention they will receive. This is perfectly understandable for anyone that might be a bit shy or self conscious, but I have come to the realization that no matter what you wear, there will always be people with different opinions about what you should be wearing. Some of them keep it to themselves, some don't, some are trying to be helpful and some are just rude.

This cannot be a deterrent.

I have come to terms with being the fashionista in the office. I get compliments regularly and I always feel confident in my clothing because I love how I look when I check the mirror before leaving the house every morning. I tend to choose bold colors, patterns, shapes and unexpected pairings...I like to push fashion boundaries a bit and tend to be a lot more showy than most of my coworkers...but I am an artist. This is my daily outlet, my opportunity to use a first impression to showcase part of my personality. Anyone who says they don't make snap judgments based on appearance is lying 100%...not that people can't try to overlook those judgments or try to ignore them, but it is in our nature to use our senses to judge our surroundings. It's an intrinsic part of the survival instinct inherent to all human beings.

I spent the majority of my life struggling to overcome the fact that the first thing people noticed about me was my weight. I have always loved clothes and have experimented with style and fashion for as long as I can remember, but I already had a strike against me being overweight and adding to that, trying to experiment with the bold looks that appealed to me aesthetically, put me in a position where I had to either decide to own what I was wearing or just throw on something to hide in.

Before my WLS I was probably about 50/50 on this. I would sometimes pick out clothes the night before, so excited about my outfit, then when I put it on in the morning, I would second guess myself because I felt like people would laugh at me or whisper about me behind my back, so I would grab my trusty black dress pants and a long tunic top and wear my "go-to" uniform for going unnoticed.

When you're already self conscious about what people might be saying or thinking about you behind your back, you might just change things to avoid that terrible crippling fear of rejection. I can't blame anyone for this, nor can I change anyone's personal feelings about it because it is very real and can absolutely be a deciding factor for anyone getting dressed in the morning, but I can tell you something my husband actually taught me a long time ago, which is, "it's none of your business what other people think of you." 

Straight forward, simple, and also kind of deep. But think about this one...everyone has opinions on everything. I don't give 2 shits about whether Becky at the gas station accepts Jesus is her personal savior, I don't judge you if you want to eat birthday cake for breakfast, I don't really care if your favorite color is orange or if you prefer cats over dogs or if you let your kid stay up late to watch scary movies. Live your life. do your thing...if it isn't hurting anyone else then by all means DO YOU.

Some people will over share- they don't care, they will tell you all their opinions because they are always right...but they are always just opinions.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to fashion my friends. That is the real secret. How do you think new trends get started? Someone comes up with an idea that something will look good...they take a risk and either people love it and it catches on or they don't and it doesn't.
There is what you love, what makes you feel good, and what doesn't. That is all.

Sure, some things are more appropriate for certain occasions...I mean I'm not going to wear a prom dress to do yard work, and I will always try to look extra fancy for a wedding, but these are my personal preferences. I'm sure I'd get judged if I wore cutoff jorts to my cousin's wedding and I'd be the talk of the neighbors as the crazy lady gardening in my formal wear, but these are MY choices. Unless there is a dress code to abide, then wear what you love!
The more you experiment, the more chances you have to really find your style.
I happen to have a very experimental, edgy, artistic style...it's not for everyone. Not everyone loves it or appreciates it and I am sure plenty of people are judging me with their closed minds.

I try not to listen to that little voice in my head anymore, telling me that people are going to judge me or think I am crazy or bitchy or stuck up or weird...I try my best to look in the mirror and decide for myself if I like how I look. Sometimes I change because I feel like I can find something that looks more flattering, but sometimes I don't care anymore if you can see my tummy bulge, or my saggy skin or my floppy arms...because I LOVE the bright, bold, colorful clothes I picked out and I will wear the heck out of them and be fabulous!

s

Tips for THRIFTING!!

Hey guys!

It's been a little while since I've had some time to post anything here but I am back today and I wanted to talk a little bit about THRIFTING.

So, as many of you already may know, I love to thrift shop...especially after weight loss surgery, it's really the most practical way to shop for new clothes when you're changing sizes frequently and don't know what size you're going to end up being long-term.
It's also the most budget friendly way to replace or supplement your wardrobe even if you're not fluctuating in size. Thrift shopping can be frustrating and overwhelming depending on the store, the location, what you're looking for, and how much time you have to find things, so today I wanted to share some of my tips with you for thrift shopping!

There are 2 main approaches to take when going thrifting...Either you're looking for something in particular or you just want to browse til you find things you want...(this second approach can be risky depending on your time management and budget but can definitely be worth it if you have time!) If you're the type of person to get overwhelmed easily, you should stick with the first approach til you're more comfortable.

1.) Give yourself plenty of TIME. I think the biggest mistake one can make when thrifting is to think you can walk in, find what you are looking for and get out like a regular retail store.
Thrifting takes time...you have to sort, search, narrow and make decisions, so don't go when you're pressed for time...make sure you have at least a good hour or more so to browse, edit and try things on.

2.) Have an idea of what you're looking for. Unless you're a seasoned thrifter, walking into a giant thrift store can be super overwhelming and can cause anxiety to any reasonable shopper, especially if the store you're at is large or disorganized (as many are). Having an idea of what you want to find in your mind will allow you to focus on a task and narrow your search area to a specific part of the store. If you go in knowing you want to find a summer dress and a nice pair of high waisted jeans, for example...even if the clothes are not organized by size, you can narrow your search to the dress section or the pants section. You may end up finding lots of things you weren't specifically looking for anyway, but at least you have a place to start.

3.) Go in with a budget in mind. Make sure you know what you're comfortable spending on any single item or in total. Even at thrift store prices, sometimes they can add up or even be priced higher than what you might pay for them elsewhere, and getting excited about saving money on individual pieces can lead you to buying more of them. Knowing what you're willing to pay for any specific item ahead of time can help you narrow down your search and reign in your spending. Pay attention to brands you're familiar with or scoping out seam lines, zippers, buttons, and designs on some pieces can clue you in to the quality of items and what they might actually be worth. I've found some items in thrift stores labeled for more than what I've seen them for brand new in a regular retail store, but I've also found some really amazing prices on designer labels and very well made items meant to last through lots of wear and tear.
Also pay attention to sales--many thrift stores have days where specific color tags or items are listed for $1 or a % discount.

4.) Don't limit yourself to looking in just one area. I know I mentioned that you can search for specific items easier if you know what you're looking for, but even when you know what you're looking for and maybe you know you're generally a Medium, or wear a size 12 dress, don't necessarily stick to looking in just that size section.
Often times, clothing items can fit differently depending on the style, fabric and brand, so allow yourself to browse in other sections...sometimes you might even find things that will work for you in the men's section or even the kids department! Not to mention that sometimes things are not even organized by size, so often there's no avoiding the need to literally sort through all the racks--hence tip #1.

5.) Wear thin layers under your clothes when you go shopping so you can easily try things on. If you're lucky, your local thrift shop will have fitting rooms...but lots of them don't, so in case it doesn't, you might consider wearing a fitted camisole and a pair of leggings or fitted shorts under your clothes so you can easily try pieces on in the store without having to strip down.
It's hard to get an idea of how something is going to look if you can't physically see it on your body. I've found some things I was super excited about on the racks but when I got them to the fitting room, they were definitely NOT working for me...you didn't go thrifting just to waste money on something you can't wear!

6.) Be open minded but know how to edit. What I mean here is basically, don't settle for a piece simply because it's inexpensive. If the style just isn't you or you're not crazy about the print or the color, there's not much you can do about it and it will just end up collecting dust in your closet...but also don't be so picky that you turn your nose up at something because it's missing a button or it might not be exactly the right size or fit. If you love it, sometimes there are simple fixes to make a piece work for you.
There are lots of things you can do to style an oversized shirt, for example, by tying it, belting it, tucking it in, or even something that might need to be tailored could be amazing if it's a quality piece and priced right...you still might be saving a lot of money if you're shopping smart!

7.) Think ahead and choose wisely. I realize this is a very general statement, and sort of related to the last one, but just because you're thrift shopping and prices might be right, doesn't mean you should just scoop up all the things and put them in your cart. I still think that the versatility of clothing in your wardrobe is important regardless of the price. Ask yourself if you can style it at least 3 ways. Do you have other pieces in your current wardrobe that you can mix/match it with? Can you wear it with layers or accessorize it in new ways to fit your needs? Is it something you can wear in different seasons? different occasions? Just make sure you're still being smart about your purchases, even if you're spending less...you're still looking for things that make you feel good and work with your lifestyle!

8.) Don't forget about accessories! this one is a big deal I think. many people don't even think about looking for belts, scarves, or jewelry at a thrift store. You may have a hangup about wearing someone else's previously worn shoes and that's a personal choice, but sometimes you can find really nice designer labels that are well maintained and maybe even broken in comfortably for a steal of a deal.
Especially costume jewelry, belts and handbags are usually in abundance at thrift shops and lots of people overlook them. I literally found a genuine Coach purse at Savers last week for $2.

of course clothing is not the only thing thrifting has to offer...furniture, toys, housewares, dishes, electronics, etc...these are all things that people get rid of daily that you might need or have use for, so if you're done shopping for clothes and need a new end table or set of plates, head to other sections.
I personally love finding things I can re-purpose or refinish, and sometimes they are in such great shape you don't need to do anything at all but clean them up.
I recommend doing a google search for your local area thrift stores, reading reviews online and seeing what others think about them, or even talking to people you know and see if they have any local places they really like. Some thrift stores have amazing prices, some are not great...you'll have to check them out to decide for yourself and keep an eye out for sale days.

I am considering doing a "thrift with me" video sometime in the near future and I'll make sure to update you all when I get that rolling. I have a few other ideas on short videos I want to make about styling pieces I've thrifted.  Let me know if there is anything else you're interested in seeing or hearing from me!

Til next time, happy shopping fashionista's!

discovering great fashion that fits your lifestyle

Hello all my beauty queens and kings ;)

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am turning 41, so I kind of thought it might be a great time to talk about age appropriate style and fashion.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for wearing what you want and what you love and I don't necessarily think anyone should be allowed to tell you what you can and cannot wear, but if you are conscientious about this type of thing, then by all means, read on.

As I am coming to terms with my own personal style aesthetic these days, I also realize that although there are certain styles of clothing that I admire and that I would have definitely wanted to wear 15-20 years ago had I been able to find them in my size, I would feel kind of ridiculous in them now that they are actually available to me. In my teens and 20's I was definitely into a more gothy/punk rock/alternative style. I am definitely still a fan of the type of self expression this style allows, but at my current age and lifestyle, there is also a more subtle way to sort of nod toward my alternative past, still allowing me to be edgy and artsy and self-expressive without going over the top.

Obviously being 165 lbs smaller also provides me with more options, and I can't say for sure that if I grew up as an average sized teen/20-something girl, I'd have had the same style aesthetic but I like to believe that my artsy personality kind of drew me in that direction and I felt a kinship with the kind of people that fit into that style genre...let's put it this way; clothing can be a wonderful way to advertise yourself to others and can help you find people with like-minded interests before you ever get a chance to speak.

Wearing lots of black, spikes, studs and mesh is obviously going to attract a certain type of attention. I think as a teenager I needed something to help me feel like I had some control over what people saw when they looked at me instead of just a sad fat girl. I embraced this alternative style because I was a shy kid and I knew it was the boldest way for me to express my personality to others that I might want to get to know...and to act as a sort of armor to help protect me from those that might take me as weak and vulnerable and easy to manipulate or bully.

I am an artist afterall, and I am a Pagan, which both tend toward a sort of edgy style in their respective societal communities and I tend to gravitate in that direction often when it comes to my clothing...but these days I don't have the same fears or the same need for armor and I enjoy expressing my femininity and my softer side a bit more...this isn't just due to my weight loss, but also comes with age and my lifestyle progression. I am a mother, a wife, and a working woman. I need clothing that not only helps me to express my personality, but also that fits with my lifestyle.
I am not spending every weekend doing Karaoke or watching live music in a bar anymore.
I work full time, and the rest of the time I am taking care of my 4 year old daughter, maintaining my house and trying to find ways to express myself creatively as an artist.

I seem to have settled on a personal style aesthetic of "rocker librarian"...which sounds kind of weird but it works for me. I can be nerdy, girly, pretty, chic, edgy and artistic all in one. Some days I am more nerd than rocker, and some days I am more artsy than librarian, but all in all, I think I have found a little niche for myself in the fashion world that works with my personal aesthetic as well as my lifestyle. It also keeps me interesting and challenges my creativity, finding things that don't always match but when they go together, something changes them in a magical way. I feel like it is truly another art form.

I love pairing a floral dress with some black booties, or a leather jacket. I love putting a studded belt or metallic print scarf with pastels or ruffles or lace. I have a ton of fun glasses that can completely change the mood of an outfit and jewelry or shoes that can turn something plain into something extravagant. I can wear bold eyeliner or lipstick to create drama also...so many ways to play with style without having to go all black with straps and studs to show the world who I am.

I think it's definitely important to play around with things you are automatically drawn to...there are things in my wardrobe that I really love the way they feel and look on my body but don't necessarily seem like they fit my personal aesthetic...these are things I play with in terms of accessorizing and styling with more bold pieces in order to make them fit my personality.

Example: today I am wearing a floral maxi skirt that I love the fit of, but finding a top to wear with it was a challenge for me because I am not necessarily one to dress for modesty and the skirt itself seems very "church missionary"...so I ended up pairing it with a super bright bold red top with a low cut neckline to balance out the modesty of the skirt and accessorized with some "witchy" jewelry... It's not so over the top that it looks weird, but it gives me that balance that I feel like I needed in order to feel like myself and be comfortable and confident.

I believe in always wearing clothes that make you feel good.
I was watching some youtube videos by Christie Ressel, a personal stylist I follow on social media and she always has a lot of great tips...one of which was to be choosy when you're shopping.
Shop intentionally, whether you're looking for a specific piece (ie: a pair of jeans or a red top) or whether you're just thrifting for great finds...think about things you like about your own body and want to showcase, or other clothing pieces you might already have that you really like...what is it you like about them? the color? the cut? the style? the way the neckline frames your collarbones? the way the waistline hits you? the fit of the leg? length of the sleeve?
This way when you're shopping you know to look for similar cuts or styles without being stuck wearing the same thing all the time but also not ending up with pieces you don't really like.

When you get dressed in the morning, your clothes should help you look in the mirror and feel good about what you see. If you see something in the store that draws your eye but you try it on and it looks terrible on your body, break down what it is that drew you to the piece in the first place (color, print, cut, etc) and try looking for something else with similar qualities that might suit your shape. We tend to get discouraged very easily in the dressing room when something just doesn't fit right, blaming our bodies for being too round or too lumpy or too (insert other self-loathing words here) instead of blaming the clothing for not being right for us.
Some people's bodies are harder to fit because they have a less common shape but I guarantee there are clothes out there that will fit and flatter ANY shape. Sometimes it's just more work and takes more patience...don't give up!

Look for things you love in colors and styles you love and find the pieces that LOOK GOOD on you. be selective, hold out for the perfect shape, the perfect color, the perfect fabric, the perfect FIT- or be ready to spend a little extra to get them tailored to your body if it's something you can't live without but just seems a bit off.
There are perfect clothing options out there for every budget as well...you do not need to spend a ton of money to find clothing pieces that flatter your body and make you feel like a million bucks.
The fit is always #1 but if it's not your style you'll still feel out of place when you're wearing it, so make a mental note of what types of pieces speak to you and what makes you feel most like yourself and also will fit into your lifestyle.
A stay at home mom hardly has need of a bunch of power suits and pencil skirts (maybe just one or 2 for special occasions) and a high power CEO is probably not going to wear a ton of jeans and tee shirts (maybe a handful of them for the weekends)...but there is a way to be comfortable AND stylish, regardless of what your life demands (there are plenty of comfortable fabrics out there in more stylish options besides just leggings sweat pants).

I feel like being mindful of the accessories and pieces I put together now allows me to be the 41 year old working mother I am without looking like a stereotypical middle aged mom, but wearing Juniors clothing and styling myself too young could go the opposite way, just making me look like an old woman trying too hard to grasp her lost youth. I like being somewhere in between and I feel like keeping up with trends and throwing in my little edgy pieces here and there will keep me youthful and feeling like me while still being appropriate for my age and lifestyle.

Dressing for your NOW body

Hey guys, long time no see!

Sorry I've been neglecting my blogs...I've been battling a cold-turned nasty sinus infection for WEEKS and I feel like I am just starting to feel better after a course of antibiotics. I was not really motivated to do much besides watching Netflix and sleeping haha.

I hope you all had a chance to check out this YouTube video post about my shopping trip with my friend Diane. She was my first real "fashion consult" and I think it went pretty well for my first shot!

I think next time I will try to film a bit more, probably during the shopping process and maybe while trying things on in the dressing room to talk more about what works and what doesn't and why...I was focused on the actual shopping at hand and kind of neglected the documentation process, but Diane was happy with what we found, and I made her try on a lot of things outside her normal realm.  Stepping out of her comfort zone opened up a lot of new options she never would've considered before. It was really fun for me and she seemed to absorb all of my tips like a sponge, so I could not have asked for a better guinea pig! I am hoping we can get together to do it again in the not too distant future.

I have had a few other interested parties reach out to me since then and hopefully I'll have more video content to share toward the end of June and early July! I am always looking for more volunteers so please don't hesitate to contact me if you want some guidance!

So, I want to address a few of the things that Diane and I talked about when we were considering her style and options, because I think a lot of it is pretty universal when it comes to women's fashion and making choices in what to wear.

First off, everyone has some kind of body image issue...there are very few people on earth that are truly 100% satisfied with the body they have at any given moment. We have all been there, especially looking back at photos of ourselves from a time in our life that we thought we were fat or out of shape, and now, even worse off, wishing we could be there again and swearing to ourselves we would never complain again if we could just have "that body" back again.
I think the key here is to start focusing on things that you don't dislike, things that you actually do like, and try to embrace the fact that your body is what it is right now...you can daydream all you want about what you used to have or what you could have again someday, but what about the now? living in the past or the future is just wasting all the precious time you have. You may constantly be comparing yourself to the self you used to be or the self you want to become, but in the meantime, try your best to appreciate the person you are now. 

Stop trying on those "skinny" clothes in your closet that haven't fit since high school and getting depressed that they won't zip--why are you even keeping them? You're a grown woman (or man), have responsibilities, stress, maybe medical problems, slower metabolism, medications that cause weight gain, maybe you've had a kid or 5, gone through menopause, hormonal imbalances, emotional abuse, physical abuse, or maybe you just love cupcakes and hate running...
Maybe you actually DO like your body--or better than you once did, but still don't have all the confidence you thought you would...maybe you work out like a maniac, eat healthy, are a size 2 but still feel like your hips are too wide or your boobs are too small...
Whatever the reason, your body isn't what you want it to be...but it's what you have. You just need to find a way to embrace it and learn to adorn it in ways that make you feel good.

*TRY THINGS ON. This is the only way you are ever going to find things that you like and/or that flatter your figure or disguise your insecurities. This is so important. I think (especially women) we look at clothes in a store or a photograph of someone else wearing them and automatically judge them. whether you think "that's so ugly" or "that's really cute" or "I like that but it won't look good on me", etc.
My best advice to anyone looking to expand their fashion horizons is to look for things in a store that you normally would not try on...and try them! You will always surprise yourself....even if you think the color is terrible or the print isn't your style...or you're convinced that you can't wear fitted pants or billowy sleeves...just try it. Your body is also likely different than it used to be 10 years ago, so the things you thought you loved aren't making you feel good anymore...you need to try something different! You may still hate it but even if you like one out of 10 things, that's one more that you didn't have before.
this brings me to the next part...
*GET AN OUTSIDE OPINION. You already have a preconceived notion about what your body looks like, which is probably a bit dysmorphic anyway, so instead of going into a dressing room alone and feeling discouraged because your thighs look too big in those shorts, bring a friend or significant other...if you don't have anyone to go with you, take pictures and send them to friends you trust or send them to ME haha. I guarantee you they will see something you're not seeing...you hate your thighs so that's all you see, but that adorable romper flatters your waistline, makes your boobs look fantastic and your butt is amazing in it. Nobody's even looking at your thighs!
*THINK OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. This one is hard to do. Especially if you already have a style that you know works on you...but you're tired of the same thing all the time. This was the case with Diane I think...she had tons of really great clothes in her closet but they were all very similar in shape and style. She knows she loves pencil skirts and sheath dresses...so she has like 20 of them. I put her in some jumpsuits, some flowy maxi dresses, some A-line styles...colors and patterns she never would think to wear or pair togeher...she had nothing like them in her repertoire and she ended up really loving a lot of them.

I can go on to talk about styles to look for for each "body type" but that's all a bunch of jibberish unless you're actually applying it to an individual.
To be honest, I don't even know where my own "body type" falls in the list of weirdly assigned categories...am I apple? rectangle? inverted triangle? I have no clue. I used to think I was apple shaped because my midsection was so much larger than the rest of me...but I am not that shape now...I don't really have hips or boobs but I don't think I am a rectangle exactly either.
The point is, shopping for clothing based on an assigned "body type" is not always helpful unless your particular body actually looks just like the diagram. Even then, if you hate the styles suggested for your figure, you're never going to feel confident.




The important thing to remember here, is that there are different body types and that not every style of clothing is going to look good on every figure. If you have insecurities about your wide hips, but your waist is thin or you have an impressive bust, look for clothes that accentuate the waist and cleavage...minimizing the hips comes later, because when you draw attention to the areas that you want to accentuate, it automatically places less emphasis on the other parts. You can achieve this in lots of ways- the fit of the clothing, the shape, the length, the color, the cut, patterns, textures, etc. Sometimes it's all about trial and error, especially if you don't really know what you're looking for...and yes, it can be frustrating but it takes patience...or a good stylist/consultant (hint hint) can help take some of the guess work out for you.
Honestly though, even I have no idea if something is going to look good on me when I pull it off a hanger. I usually just admire something about the piece and have a desire to find out if it's going to work for me. If it looks bad when I try it on, I let it go and find something else that looks better. If I absolutely love something and it fits but it's not the most flattering, sometimes I wear it anyway just because it makes me happy and screw anyone who wants to judge me.

I love clothes, I love helping people feel good about themselves, and this is definitely a passion of mine. I hope I can continue to hone my own fashion consulting skills and keep learning as I go, and hopefully share some of my knowledge with willing students along the way. Just remember, this is the body you have today. It may be different in 6 months, it may be different than it was last year, but stop reminiscing and daydreaming about when your body was/will be different and find a way to dress for your now that makes you feel good.

Style & Beauty Essentials

Hello again, my friends!

I am still fighting off this ridiculous cold but I am hopeful that I will be able to record some video footage by this weekend to share with you all. My voice is back mostly but still pretty scratchy.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about basic "must-haves" in your wardrobe. I am sure this is nothing new to some people but I know that a lot of people do not enjoy shopping as much as I do, and many of us are on tight budgets but we still want to look good and make a good impression.

I feel like there are a few basic necessities that are very versatile and can be great staples in anyone's wardrobe, and with the right key pieces, anyone can look fierce! Some things are worth investing a little more money in, especially if you know it's something you will wear a lot, but you don't always need to pay more to get good quality or fit.

1.) first and foremost, I think everyone (women and men) needs a great, well-fitting pair of basic black dress pants. The style/fit is kind of dependent on your preference and body shape, but I tend to gravitate toward a more fitted pant (skinny or straight leg) with a high rise waist and a nice, thicker probably ponte knit fabric to provide some stretch but also keep it's structure.
Look for something that doesn't need to be dry cleaned, is durable, and well made so it won't fall apart after washing it or wearing it a few times...these will be something you will likely wear at least once a week (maybe more) so if you find a pair that is at a higher price point, you might justify paying a little more for a quality fit/craftsmanship. You might even be able to find a great pair of pants at a thrift store for super inexpensive. Also shop during big sales and look for coupons online (Retail Me Not is a great app for in-store or online coupon codes you may not even be aware of).


2.) Layering pieces are also something I find completely necessary to help round out a "put together" look...think tank tops/under shirts and cardigans or jackets. I would recommend getting these in solids to start, so you can mix/match and wear them with different prints. Start with Neutral tones if you're new to color and print, like black, taupe, brown, navy, gray and white/cream. If you're a more colorful/adventurous person, maybe grab something in a red, pink, teal or even my personal favorite lately, mustard yellow (which I happen to think goes with almost anything). Adding a pop of color with a cardigan or a bright peekaboo underneath can often elevate your entire look.

3.) Another necessity is a comfortable yet stylish pair of dress shoes. Now, I know not everyone can wear high heels...especially if you're on your feet a lot, but there are plenty of stylish options out there for flats, kitten heels or wedges that can add a bit of class to your look. I personally love shoes and have more than most people will find necessary but I think for women particularly, you should have at least one pair in black and one in a nude tone...these are super versatile and can go with just about anything. Pointed toes tend to elongate the leg more, but they aren't for everyone. I suggest spending time trying on as many pairs as you can to get the perfect fit and comfort level since these could be shoes you keep for years if you find the right ones! I feel that shoes sometimes are worth investing a bit more money in because they are something you will be wearing a lot and you want to make sure they fit well and are not going to destroy your feet and knees!

4.) JEANS! yes, I know most people already have these but for real, they are obviously a necessity. You can wear them with just about anything and can style them dressy or casual.
I'd suggest trying on lots of them til you find a pair you feel good in...look for a good fit at the waist and the butt, the legs and the length. Make sure you could wear them with a shirt tucked in or out, and if you want to wear them with boots, make sure they will either fit tucked into them (skinny or straight leg) or that they are wide enough to wear on the outside (boot cut). I think a boot cut jean tends to flatter figures with wider hips because they create visual balance, but skinny jeans seem to be more versatile when deciding what footwear to pair them with.
I prefer a darker wash, since I feel like they are easier to dress up...but I really like a lighter wash, distressed look for casual days or to wear with sneakers.

5.) Well-fitting undergarments should really be number one on this list, but I am not going in any particular order really.
Ladies, I am mostly talking about your bra. Having the girls lifted up where they are supposed to be can seriously make ALL the difference in how your clothes fit you! It can take 15 lbs off instantly, and create a much more desirable silhouette...when your chest is lifted, your waist looks smaller, simple as that. If you have a large chest, this is easier said than done, but it is worth finding and paying for a well fitting bra, even if you have to go to a special retailer. Make sure you get FITTED...don't just go in and try on a bunch and decide what feels most comfortable. Sorry to say, the first time you put on a bra that is actually the right size, it might not actually feel great. No worries though, the more you wear it, you will realize it feels better than any other bra you've worn because your ladies will be secure, in place, not moving or falling out, you won't have rubbing in the wrong spots and the straps should not dig in or fall down.
Panties are also kind of an overlooked piece of clothing...but if you're wearing the wrong shape or size it can create problems with the fit of your pants. Look for seamless undies, or ones with smoothing effects for wear under more fitted clothes.
I also want to mention shape wear here...again, I know it's not for everyone, but it can be a big confidence booster for those of us who have sagging or lumps or even just want to feel more secure in some of our more fitted clothing. Make sure you are getting the right size of shape wear, it probably shouldn't be easy to put on or else it's not really going to do much...but not so tight that it causes bulges along the edges or cuts off circulation! It's definitely a personal preference on what you can stand to wear and how often-some people like a light compression garment for daily wear and some just want something for those special occasions.

6.) Accessories...I am going to lump them all together here because everyone has their own style preference on the types of accessories they prefer to wear, but these are serious necessities, especially if you have a relatively basic wardrobe but want to add something different or interesting. I've based entire outfits off of a simple accessory before, so I think they are essential.
You don't have to spend tons of money on expensive jewelry...I have friends that sell $5 costume jewelry on the side, or even find plenty of bold pieces on clearance sales or thrift stores!
If you're not a jewelry person, consider scarves, hats or belts as another inexpensive way to add some color/print/patterns or textures to your outfits. I personally love finding bold printed or colored shoes but again, not everyone's cup of tea...I like to have lots of options when it comes to my accessories because they often end up creating the entire mood of an outfit...just adding a scarf or a pair of funky boots can often turn an outfit into something completely different.

7.) LBD. (little black dress)...this is actually kind of a misnomer because it doesn't actually have to be black, or little...but it should be a dress you can wear to multiple types of functions (think wedding guest, baby shower, holiday party, date night, etc) and feel your best. Maybe your color is red, blue, green or pink? likely it should be short sleeved or sleeveless so you can wear it in warmer seasons or add a cardigan or shrug if it's cooler, and possibly in a mostly solid color versus a print so you can change it up with accessories, especially if you're not sure how to mix/match quite yet. Look for something in a traditional shape that flatters your particular figure. Typically A-line or fit/flare is a flattering style on almost any body type.
Just because it's a basic dress doesn't mean it needs to be boring though...look for something you love. maybe it has some mesh inset, or a ruffle detail, maybe a small embroidered detail or some lace or buttons. Just try to decide if it's something that will stand the test of time when you pull it out for your nephew's wedding in 2025.

8.) Black Pencil Skirt...I am adding this one in as a kind of extra...mainly because I cannot live without mine and I think everyone should have one haha.
It can be a super simple, pull-on elastic waist jersey knit, stretch material or a fancy, tailored suit quality fabric...either way, it's a super versatile piece to have in your wardrobe and I think any woman that wears dresses or skirts regularly needs one in her repertoire. A pencil skirt can be worn so many ways, with a blousy top tucked in or with a drapey shirt and layered cardigan for a more business casual look. Add a fancy top and accessories for an elegant night out...you can wear it with ankle boots, heels or sandals depending on the season or the weather...it can be worn year-round and for so many different occasions...it's really the skirt version of a nice pair of black dress pants, but can be even more comfortable depending on the fabric/style you choose. I had a jersey knit one I wore for a long time when I was heavier and it always made me feel good because it always fit even if I gained a few lbs. I usually wear mine high on the waist with a top tucked in to make my legs look longer, and I have several colors/prints and I love them all. It's also great if you haven't found your perfect LBD...a pencil skirt can totally work for all the same occasions!

9.) A good Hair style...now I know this is not really clothing related but it is definitely an integral part of fashion! Your hairstyle can seriously can make or break all of your styling efforts. You could have the most amazing, rockin' outfit on and a terrible haircut with no style and it will just ruin the whole look! You don't necessarily need to spend a ton of money going to the salon every 6 weeks, but pay yourself some attention...if you know you won't be able to make it to the salon regularly, try going for a style that you can maintain on your own for a longer period of time without regular trims or touch-ups...go for something you know you will be able to do on your own without much fuss if you are short on time. If you need regular color touch ups, maybe go for some highlights which will help disguise your grays a bit longer or do at-home all over color you can keep up yourself. and make sure it's something you can manage to style on your own...if you don't have time to curl your hair every day or style with products, make sure the style still works if you just have to throw it up in a quick bun or ponytail or if you just have time to comb your fingers through it with a bit of mousse.

10.) my last necessity is also not a piece of clothing, but sort of related to #9--basically, personal grooming and self care in general is so important! I am lumping in Makeup and cosmetics here but I am referring to all of it...everyone should have some kind of self care or beauty regimen, whether it be just washing and moisturizing your skin, shaving your legs and bits, waxing, plucking, whatever you gotta do...but take care of your skin...go as far as you feel comfortable going...get your brows done, get your lady bits done, shave your legs when you know you're going to be exposing them. Go get your nails done if you have the time and money! This is a great way to start taking time for yourself for a little pampering. If you don't have the money, you can do them at home if you feel comfortable....I never go to the salon for my nails because I have a ton of nail polish and I am comfortable doing my own...but I really can't stand it when my nails are not done...it makes me feel unfinished.
If you've never been good at makeup or have no idea what you're doing, start simple...watch some beginner videos on youtube...I have a simple every day makeup routine I follow that I filmed for youtube here , but there are thousands of them out there if you're looking for something different. The right makeup look can also make or break a great outfit...less is usually best especially for beginners. Stick with something natural til you feel comfortable experimenting!

So...I am sure I missed something but I really do feel like these are all essential to a put-together look and the buildng blocks to creating your own personal style wardrobe...you can obviously tweak the basics to create your own personal aesthetic...maybe you really love chunky jewelry, bold prints, colorful patterns...or maybe you're a minimalist. Maybe you find out that you're a hat person or you love scarves...these are all things you can start accumulating to build your wardrobe and accessories collection. Start simple and work your way up...you might find that by experimenting, you will come realize you already had more style than you thought!