"I could never pull that off"

"You look so cute in that, but I could never pull it off"...

I've gotten this comment a lot in my lifetime. It's hard sometimes to determine whether it's actually a compliment but I usually choose to take it as a positive remark rather than someone underhandedly telling me that my style is outrageous.

I like to think that I have always exhibited a pretty fashionable sense of style, and I have always been adventurous with my clothing choices, choosing a lot of bright colors, bold prints, interesting shapes and out of the box combinations. I believe I have a clear idea of my personal aesthetic, albeit relatively general and ranging widely in genre. I know what I like and I know what looks good. I usually try to combine them into something that makes me feel amazing.

I also believe that the only reason I can "pull it off" is because I do.
It honestly has nothing to do with my body type...it has everything to do with my personality and my willingness to just try it.

As a child, when allowed to dress myself, I often chose very interesting combinations...there was a period of time around age 10 that I decided I wanted to wear a lacy layered slip as a skirt and I probably wore it 3 times a week. Usually with bright red or blue tights. I admit I was not usually complimented on my style as a kid (quite the opposite) but I was just experimenting with things I liked. I was obsessed with Cyndi Lauper and Madonna and I wanted to wear all the poofy ruffles and lacy layers. I honestly did not give a damn what anyone else thought, because I loved it. Of course, as I got older and kids got meaner, I started to tone it down quite a bit just to avoid ridicule.

By the time I was in high school, "grunge" was a popular style, luckily for me since I was quite overweight by then and I had a really hard time finding age appropriate clothing in my size anywhere. Lane Bryant was around but it was very mature style wise at the time, and the regular department stores did not carry many plus size clothing options back then...but the men's department did. I wore a lot of over sized tee shirts and baggy pants, sneakers, combat boots, flannels and hoodies. I got mistaken for a lesbian more times than I care to admit, but I also found comfort in wearing clothing that helped me "fit in" to a specific crowd of people.

I was always a very artistic kid and the artsy, weird kids were all kind of into the grunge movement. I felt like I belonged and I was able to express myself to like minded people by wearing similar clothes. I think this is still true today--there will always be cliques. Recognizing your people is a lot easier when you can dress in their costumes, right?
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in love with the clothes I was wearing...I still loved fashion and wanted to dress more feminine but the options were not available to me.

I distinctly remember when the store Torrid first came out because it was like hitting the fashion jackpot for me. I was in my early 20's and still in my sort of "punk-grunge-rock & roll" phase. Torrid was a plus size store that's parent company happened to be Hot Topic (which was different than every other store in the mall in the 90's). I bought Hot Topic accessories, hats, bags, shoes, wallets, etc but I could never buy their clothes and I had so much clothing envy...so when Torrid came along, I was ecstatic!
I probably shopped almost exclusively at Torrid for about 10 years...In the beginning it was super edgy, sort of a niche store (similar to Hot Topic only for plus sizes) and over the years has gotten a bit more mainstream and trendy to appeal to a larger demographic/aesthetic, but they gave me options I had not ever had, and I ran with them.

I rocked that style for years. I wore a lot of black with studs, skulls, mesh, clasps...hot pink, red, purple, black & white stripes...a little gothy, a little punk, a little rock & roll. I had piercings and hot pink hair, and I embraced it. I do not regret any of my choices...I still love those things and I love when other people wear them, but my personal style and aesthetic has obviously changed since then. Not only have fashion trends changed, but I changed.

I had a rough time for a few years, living as an obese middle aged woman, trying to look appropriate for my age and lifestyle, but struggling with finding things I really loved to wear...I didn't like my body, so it was hard to find things that I both liked to look at, and that fit me well. I still loved shopping and trying things on, but often left the store with nothing, either because I hated everything on me, or I just didn't have $80 to spend on a pair of pants (yes that is how much one pair of pants costs in a specialty plus size store).

I had a few staple pieces that I wore a lot--I had several pairs of colorful jeggings, a couple pairs of nice black dress pants, long tank tops to add layers, long flowy tops for coverage, some cardigans for layering...I couldn't wear a lot of my cute shoes at my heaviest because heels hurt my feet too much. Boots were impossible unless I bought them from Lane Bryant or Torrid because I could never get a regular boot over my wide calves, but I styled myself with accessories and still managed to get the "I could never pull that off" comments...it was hard work looking good at a size 26/28...but I took on the challenge. I started to play a lot more with makeup in my mid 30's and it definitely helped my confidence as well.

I honestly believe that "pulling off" any specific look is completely up to whether you decide to do it.
I do think that there are certain pieces that are not necessarily flattering or age appropriate for myself, but I absolutely think that if you love something, you should wear it! For the majority of my life, I avoided any clothing that was yellow because my mom told me it was not my color...I very recently discovered that I actually love wearing yellow (I'm wearing it today in fact) and I don't really mind if it's not my best color. If I see something I like in the store, I am going to try it on, and I will find a way to fit it into my life. If I feel like wearing a sweater with skulls on it, I am going to wear it. (I have one I love now, but I just style it a little differently)

With all that said, my fashion aesthetic has definitely evolved and I am sure it has a little to do with my weight loss and this whole new world of options becoming available to me...but I think has even more to do with fashion trends, my age and my lifestyle. I tend to believe that dressing in some younger styles just makes me look older...or like I am trying too hard, but there is a fine line...for instance, I love a good pair of skinny jeans and a cute top...but I am not ready for the crop tops and I've passed my expiration date for short shorts and mini skirts (I also don't feel confident enough with my loose skin to expose these areas anyway).

I am still always drawn to bold prints like large polka dots, checks and stripes, bright colors and of course mesh/lace and ruffles...but if I wear them now I feel much more self conscious...I think I wore them more when I was heavier because they gave me a sense of self expression that was more readily available in my size. Many other clothing options available to me were a lot more matronly or just outright boring or unflattering.
In my mind, I needed to make an impression...to show the world that I was interesting, to make sure people knew just because I was fat didn't mean I was boring or stupid or less worthy. Human nature is to be judgmental...we make instant judgments without thinking, it's actually part of evolution...and I wanted to give the best first impression I could to give myself a fighting chance at someone looking past my body and learning about everything else I have to offer.

These days I try to tone it down just a little...maybe just pick one bold thing to be a focal point and let it carry the outfit...or use a combination of them but make sure they are cohesive--colors don't always have to "match"...they just need to look good together. Think in terms of color families--jewel tones, neons, primary colors...hold up fabrics next to each other and make a visual judgment. I wore a yellow cardigan the other day with a teal and aqua print top that had absolutely no yellow in it, but it was a mustard yellow and the top was mostly blues so I felt the color families matched. I've paired the same sweater with a floral print/burgundy top for the same reasoning.

I think if you want to experiment with fashion without taking huge risks, start small and work your way up...maybe find a bold pattern you love, and start by styling it with more muted colors, or even find a more conservative piece that you're comfortable wearing (like a blazer or long pencil skirt) but in an unexpected color or print...so you're not so far out of your comfort zone, then eventually you can move it a step up by pairing it with some statement accessories- Jewelry, shoes, or my favorite, eye glasses haha. It's a matter of preference how far you want to take it. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is when you find out your comfort zone is much bigger than you imagined.

If you find yourself seeing something and thinking "I wish I could pull that off"...my feelings are that you should probably try it, because your inner fashionista is screaming at you to give it a shot.